Can Confession Be Grace-Filled?

Couple Embracing | Lavender wedding colors | Can Confession Be Grace-Filled? | St. Louis Wedding PhotographerCommitment 1: We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.

We are going to head straight into the commitments Paul Tripp maps out for us through the book. The commitments will be broken down into two separate chapters inviting us to dig deeper into each one.

I love the title of this Chapter. It is called, “Coming Clean: Confession.”

The word confession can create a lot of feelings in my heart. Maybe you’re even experiencing them now after just reading the word…anxiety, worry, fear, or like this plain old “daunting,” feeling. The truth is that confession is probably one of THE healthiest things for our hearts and minds. Confession has actually received a pretty bad rep. From my own personal experience, the anticipation of confessing something about myself normally consists of thoughts like: “I am a bad person,” “you shouldn’t have this problem,” “you’re the only one who feels like this,” or last but not least, “you’re so much worse than that person.” We start to believe that if we ever say anything about our problems or “negative” emotions that we will not be loved or valuable any more. Right when it becomes a shame game in our minds and we agree to those lies, that personal shame game then becomes a relational blame game.

None of us ever play the blame game right? lol. Well, we all know we do. Our internal shaming that has caused us to believe we are bad, or we are alone, and now unloveable, shifts to us believe it is the other person’s fault or our circumstances that has caused us to do what we did or feel the way we are. If you have ever been in a relationship you know the blame game well, you probably can relate with how the relationship only dulls and separates when blame begins. It festers and then only feeds on itself.

But what if we changed our minds about personal confession and believe it to be:

Good

Freeing

Loving.

Kindness Leads Me to Repentance

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?”  Romans 2:4 NIV

God’s Word says that God’s kindness is what will lead us to repentance. But if we take a moment to ponder on that, do we really believe it? Do we really believe God is kind enough to allow us to confess and turn? I think if we really believed God at His Word and believed He isn’t there angered or disappointed in us, but is kind, patient, and tender with us in our sin that maybe confession would begin to take place more in our earthly relationships.

Confession is the key to changing our behaviors. We get stuck into patterns with our spouses.

Jordan and I just recently experienced that ourselves. We went through a same behavior pattern that we have gone through the last four years and it can become a stuck feeling and a feeling that seems unending. How do we change it? How do we get into a healthier pattern that is created by love, grace, and healing?

It all starts with confession.

We needed to have a conversation that began with the word “I” and reeked some level of humility. It took about 6 different conversations of the blame game, until my heart was humbled and broken. I needed a big dose of confession. And thankfully, when confession happened, do you know what else happened?

…GRACE

It Is A Grace…

Tripp hits it right on the head when he says “The Grace of Confession.” It truly is a grace to confess our own personal sin and our human imperfections before one another. This action creates space for God’s grace to take over, and for each person to feel in relation to another human’s weakness. All of a sudden, the lies I mentioned earlier, disappear into dust in a split second. The lies of being alone and being unloveable are washed away by the flood of God’s amazing grace. We then get to be vessels of this amazing grace to each other. To get to experience something like that in relationship is the hope of heaven invading and crashing the disappointments on earth.

Here are four ways Tripp explains how confession is a grace:

  1. It is a grace to know right from wrong.
  2. It is a grace to understand the concept of indwelling sin.
  3. It is a grace to have a properly functioning conscience.
  4. It is only by grace that protects us from self-righteousness.

Final Encouragements

Start by asking the Lord to reveal what you believe about confession. Once you understand what is you believe, then ask him to believe and experience that it is by His kindness that leads to repentance. After asking Him, and the next time you and your spouse begin a conversation or disagreement, choose personal confession. Choose personal confession and you’ll actually be able to personally experience the grace of it for your own life and your marriage.

Here are “The Daily Habits of a Confession Lifestyle,” Tripp lists off in the Chapter for you and your spouse to apply. I know you’ll be excited to read and apply them as Jordan and I are. Enjoy!

  1. We will be lovingly honest.
  2. We will be humbled when exposed.
  3. We will not excuse.
  4. We will be quick to admit wrongs.
  5. We will listen and examine.
  6. We will greet confession with encouragement.
  7. We will be patient, persevering, and gentle in the face of wrong.
  8. We will not return to the past.
  9. We will put our hope in Christ.

Inspiration for these St. Louis Wedding Locations: FOUR SEASONS HOTEL ST LOUIS |  THE CHASE PARK PLAZA  | MISSOURI BOTANICAL GARDEN | BUSCH FAMILY ESTATE AT GRANT’S FARM | Silver Oaks Chateau | Peabody Opera House | The Caramel Room at Bissinger | Photographer: APRIL MAURA PHOTOGRAPHY

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