Restoring What Is Broken

Trust. We have all experienced the brokenness and the strength of a relationship when there is trust or a lack of. Trust can be easily taken for granted and is a lot harder to build then we have ever thought. When we are in the early years of marriage, our spouse is learning all about us. They are seeing us for who we really are. Our thoughts, our actions, our opinions. They begin to see, we aren’t so perfect and lovely. Neither of us are. Which brings us to this complex place of having established enough trust to marry each other, yet realizing we might have to learn how to trust all over again, with the same person.

Within a year of being married, my husband learned new things about me that weren’t as clear when we were dating. There have been plenty of learning curves along our four years that have either added or taken away trust in our marriage. Trust isn’t as obvious as it may seem in our marriages, which is why we answered 20 questions about trust last week.

By taking the questionnaire, we are now able to know where we are starting to then implement real change, which is by God’s kindness. Our ability to change is God’s gift to us, even if the change feels overwhelming and big. To have effective change, we need to have the transparency of truth in our lives to begin building trust.

Construction of Trust

Here is a breakdown of Paul David Tripp’s construction of trust. There are 5 helpful and practical ways to begin building up trust within your marriage. These are restoring words of encouragement to effect real change. If we keep on doing the same thing within our marriages, and acting in the same personal ways, real change cannot take place. Take a look at this game plan that can help you begin rebuilding the foundation of trust:

Play It Straight – Demonstrate clear and truthful communication to one another. This includes not with holding your true opinions. You want your spouse to take your words at face value, not wondering what you really meant.
Be Good for Your Word – Promise keeper. When you say you are going to do something, do it. If you are not sure whether you are able to keep your word, it is better to not say anything at all or make the promise. Your “Follow Through” is key.
Face Up to Your Wrongs – Take responsibility for your personal faults. Be quick to seek forgiveness. Your spouse will begin to believe you are willing to deal with failures through humility, honesty, and the desire to change.
Watch Out for the Other Person – Take care for one another and setting the other as a priority. Your spouse will begin to feel more comfortable with entrusting their life to you again and again.
Keep Short Accounts – Be quick to deal with wrongs and to get back with each other. Make the well-being of your relationship a priority for you. Once forgiveness and restoring begins, the account balance should not remain at a high level.

Establishing Trust at Home

With the game plan of those 5 practice ways, you and your spouse can begin establishing trust in the home. Consistent communication is still at the core. Just like in our relationship with God, keeping an open dialogue of our hearts and what is going on, is going to continue to establish strong trust. In our imperfect human hearts, the gift of repentance and forgiveness can be used. Let’s begin to make our marriages a priority and our homes a place of open and willing trust.

Final Encouragements

If you have realized there might be some broken trust in your marriage and want to restore it, I would encourage you to seek the help of God. We need to ask for His help to restore back to us what was taken. After praying and asking for His help, consult a trusted brother or sister of faith and let them in on your situation. God will never give up on our marriages, no matter where they are at. Here is how Tripp believes you can restore broken trust: