Common Purpose Drives Friendship In Marriage

We’ve all seen it before on our Facebook and Instagram feed when a dear friend of ours gets married:

“I am so thankful that I get to marry to my best friend.”

For some marriages yes, that statement couldn’t be more true. For others, that could be far from the truth.

Friendship in marriage isn’t necessarily something that is on the forefront of our minds while being in it. But in this chapter called, “The Mission of Marriage,” Keller writes about how vital friendship within our marriage is to keep our marriage thriving. So maybe you feel like you already have a great friendship with your spouse, this will be encouragement that hopefully revive the purpose back into your marriage. And if you don’t have a good friendship with your spouse, I hope this encourages you to believe that it is totally possible to, just by understanding and connecting through a common interest.

So What is Friendship?

Keller states that “there are two features of real friendship – constancy and transparency.”

“Real friends encourage and affectionately affirm one another, yet real friends also offer bracing critiques.”

If you are like me, my friends have shifted several times throughout the course of my life. It gets me perplexed at times to think how for one season of life I had my best friend, and then for another season of life, there’s a completely different group of friends. Probably fits with the nature of our lifestyle. And honestly as I’ve gotten older, it seems like the close friends list has started to dwindle.

Through traveling with my husband from country to country over the last three years, it can feel lonely at times. I have caught myself looking at Facebook or Instagram thinking, “Wow they have so many friends, how come I don’t have as many?” “What is it that I am doing wrong?” There is so much pressure I feel from that! When those thoughts ring through my head there is danger of really believing the lies that I “should have more friends,” “I am not a good enough friend.” Which might lead me to try and make myself a good friend out of my own self-effort and out of condemnation.

Instead what is actually true is that I have a constant and transparent friend right in front of me everyday in my husband. And we don’t really need a whole lot of constant and transparent friends in our lives, sometimes just having one or two is all we really need. As long as the basis of our friendship is a common thread or interest that we both share in our life.

You’ve Got a Friend in Me

It can be easy to make up a really good and really thriving friendship up in our minds. What our ideal friendship would look like. Yet, there doesn’t seem to be that perfect friend around all the time.

Even sometimes our marriages feel far away from a friendship. It doesn’t necessarily fit our “ideal” mold all the time. One thing that I have learned from being married for three years is that marriage isn’t the end all solution to loneliness. It totally helps don’t get me wrong, but my feelings of loneliness have not be cured by my marriage.

During the last season in Germany, loneliness crept in more times than not while Jordan was out at practice. And I would be weeping on the floor as a prayer to Jesus, desiring just a friend to talk to and share life with. To share and exchange words of encouragement and of disappointments. He was there and was present. My heart could rest. He gave me a little song to remember for times of loneliness that Jesus is my one friend who will always be with me no matter where we are and will always be constant and transparent with me.

As Jesus taught me more about seeing Him as friend, there is heart connection that is being established. To love what He loves and to desire what He desires. With our earthly friendship in marriage, that is exactly what keeps it alive. The purpose behind the friendship. That purpose will give the relationship drive and a goal of where to go for the future.

With all this being said, it is going to be hard to have a true friendship without first having a common interest and a common destination. We can talk about treating each other as best friends, but if there isn’t a shared vision of where to go, it’s so much more difficult to relate and connect to each other in the long haul. There is something always bigger than ourselves when we talk about friendship. If we can have our marriages believe in a common something or someone bigger than ourselves, then our growth for friendship in marriage is exponential.

Application

Married Couples: Set some time apart for just you and spouse. Discuss and ask questions about what are common interests you both have. Spend some time getting to know each other’s long term vision for your life and ask what the “why” is behind their vision?

Engaged Couples: Think about and write down your own “why” you are getting married. Write down where you see you and your fiancé 10 years down the line? What do you and your fiancé have in common that will always lead you two back together when you are married?

If you’re just joining us, you can catch up here:

• NEWEST ADDITION TO APRIL MAURA PHOTOGRAPHY: MARRIAGE SERIES AUTHOR
• SEARCHING FOR THE SECRET OF MARRIAGE
• UNVEILING THE GREAT SECRET OF MARRIAGE
• BEING LOVED SO YOU MAY LOVE
• POWER TO CHOOSE IN MARRIAGE
• DO YOU KEEP YOUR PROMISES?
• “I’M SORRY, I CAN’T GIVE LOVE IF I DON’T FEEL IT.”

AUTHOR OF THE MARRIAGE SERIES: Taylor Wild

IF YOU LIKE THE EXPERIENCE SEEN IN THESE PICTURES YOU CAN BOOK YOUR MEMORY MAKING WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER TODAY!

Venue: Villa Siena

Photographer: APRIL MAURA PHOTOGRAPHY

Second shot with Scott English