Like every culture, relationships can differentiate on region, areas within a city and groups of people that you interact with in life. In my post below, I will describe the dynamics I have witnessed in Qingdao, China, a second tier city. Let me preface that China is the land of paradoxes and it’s seen in the Chinese relationships. I will discuss in detail how those relationships pan out in these areas: family, friend and strangers.

Family Relations

The Chinese are big on family. As you probably already know they have the one child policy to control the population growth. What you may not know is that if you are an only child and you marry another person who is an only child you can have two children. People who are from a certain minority group can also have two children.

Note: The picture on the left are women dancing together in a community courtyard. 

The one child policy that took effect in 1979 has greatly impacted the culture and the family dynamics. When you walk the streets, if you’re looking for it or ask a male, there are more males than there are females in the young adult bracket. I had a Chinese man commented to me that there are far less choices for choosing a wife. The reason there are more men is because when the one child policy first took effect, parents wanted a male instead of a female to carry on the name and care for them in the future. Today, for the majority the Chinese happily accept both genders.

The one child policy is still in effect to this day, 2013 and because it is uncommon for a Chinese family to adopt another child. Blood relations are really important to the Chinese culture. In China the one child is treated like a “little emperor”, the Chinese parenting motto is to give the child what he/she wants. (I discuss an event on how this plays out in life here.) It is really interesting watching the parents wait hand-in-foot on their only child. Adult children are expected to care for their parents and in return they care for their grandchildren. (I discuss this more here.)  With the children spending much of their young life with their grandparents they learn a lot of their beliefs. If you don’t meet the qualifications for having a second child, you will be taxed greatly on that second child, or the child doesn’t exist; they will have no ID. That includes the second child not having the ability to get an education. The one child policy had also effected the grandparents, it is a typical scene to see an them with a dog trotting behind them.

Friend Relations

There are many aspects to friendship relationships, but I will just name a few ideas that have caught my eye living in China as an expat. Among friends it is common to see them have a closer physical bubble boundary. Women are seen walking holding hands or pinkies platonically. Likewise, men are seen arms wrapped around their friends shoulders. The Chinese culture doesn’t greet each other with kisses like some European countries but with a typical handshake. Chinese friends typically enjoy themselves eating at restaurants family style, singing at KTV (a karaoke bar) or go out drinking. Drinking is a huge part of the Chinese culture. If you are Chinese and go out for a business dinner you are expected to drink. It is fun and saving face for the Chinese to get drunk. In the Chinese business realm, employers will trust you more if you can get drunk with them like a friend. On another note, when it’s a Chinese person’s birthday it is customary for them to treat their friends to a huge dinner.

Stranger Relations

There is one thing I love and will miss about China, the friendliness of people with greetings on the street. My view is probably a little biased because I am a female foreigner living in a second tier city but this has been my experience. In Qingdao while I walk on the streets I am typically greeted with a “Ni Hao” (Hello) out-of-the-blue and if I strike the greeting, I am 90% guaranteed to have a reciprocated response. Grandparents love making their children say “hello” to the foreigner. There are smiles galore. I love the fact if I smile at a stranger on the street that I can get one in return. I think it might be partly because I am foreign and that we’re curious in each other; I don’t know, let me know if it’s differently for you?

The security guard noticed that I was carrying a lot of groceries and offered to help me carry them to my door. What a sweetheart!

When stranger relations concern traffic manners it’s really different than the United States Western thinking. There is no such thing in China that the pedestrian has the right away. In the taxi culture people cut each other while waiting and grabbing cabs. Maybe the same behavior is in New York; I’m not sure, but I do know that people patiently wait their turns in Hong Kong! There is a reason they have the one child policy, there are so many people and this is seen during rush hour traffic particularly on the bus. It is the Chinese culture to shove your way and become a sardine on the bus or you will miss it ( like I have so many times, and then had to wait another half-hour.)

I discussed in these posts some personally experiences with the Chinese people: our first chinese home-cooked dinner, a friendly dinner, in-the-moment tea time and a work dinner.

I hope this enlightened you and gave you a better picture of the Chinese cultural relationship dynamics. If you have experienced something else or have an experience to add, please share it.

10,000 Smiles

Below are 100 Smiles from Qingdao, China. I hope they will brighten your day.

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